12:41 - Friday, Aug. 24, 2007
... Words Can't Bring Me Down ...
12 weeks pregnant now, that puts me in a much 'safer' zone for risk of miscarriage. So that's good, but you still never know... Hank's step-sister miscarried at 4.5 months. How awful. I think everything is going to be okay though. I am still quite tired & worn out feeling, but I get enough sleep and Hank let's me rest lots so it's not too bad. The morning sickness hasn't been bad for awhile, so that is good too. I am actually quite liking being pregnant. I feel so happy and confident and strangely, even though my face is breaking out & my tummy is getting bigger, I have never felt so beautiful! I feel healthier than I have in years and am sleeping better than ever. My hair is growing so fast & feels so nice, I don't even have to do much to style it. My nails are longer & stronger than ever too. Thanks Baby!
I don't know if ever in my life I have ever been able to say "I feel beautiful" but for some reason I do feel pretty. Maybe it's baby, or maybe it's the new confidence in me & the changes in my life. Maybe it's that I have decided to take better care of myself & put more effort into dressing, doing my hair & make-up to try harder at looking younger, more fashionable & just all around better. I know when I feel that I look better, I feel better all together, and vice versa. Who knows, but I better not question it, just enjoy it. What ever I am doing or whatever is happening, it's working, and I like it!
A friend of ours gave us a bunch of toys & books etc. from her kid that she's saved. About 25% of it is definitely girl stuff but we might have one too, who knows... if not, we can always save it or give it away. It all seems like good stuff. Mom called & said she got us a Winnie the Pooh diaper bag. Princess sent a package with books & a CD and a little stuffed bug that plays "Over the Rainbow" it's really cute & got me a little choked up. And the cutest little onsie with ducks on it. it is so soft & tiny and sweet... imagining our tiny baby in it got me going and had a small cry... heehee... me and the waterworks! Awh, thanks Princess, our baby's first clothes :)
We are STILL waiting for the freaking check from the sale of the old house! Can you imagine?!? It was sold at the end of June. Posession was July 13. Still nothing. Their lawyer is a fucking idiot. This is ridiculous. So we've still been paying two mortgages this whole time too. Twice the taxes, insurance for awhile and bills too. Ugh. I am hoping the check will come today... but not getting my hopes up too high.
So many bills to pay, I just want them out of the way & get out of debt so I can see how much is left to start buying baby stuff etc... and maybe put some aside to get married...
No, he still hasn't asked yet. I've been getting upset lately actually starting to think maybe he just doesn't want to... can't figure out what else he could be waiting for. He won't even talk about it. Then my uncle left a message on our machine saying something about coming to Manitoba to do some hunting & he thinks someone in our area might need their gun tuned up... hint hint... it was funny... so later Hank said he'd "Man-Up and ask me soon." So I tried talking to him again. I finally got out of him what the hold up is. He said that he is waiting because he wants it to be special. I told him that isnot what mattered, all I needed was for him to say the words and mean them from his heart. he said he wanted me to have a nice memory of it. I said that was sweet, and it is, but not if it means waiting & waiting & putting this off forever... if he wants it to be something special - then plan it! It's not something that's just going to fall into his lap and suddenly when the moon is right and we're in some special place for no reason then he should just be able to have the ring in his pocket and go for it! If he wants it that way, then plan for us to be at that certain place at that certain time and do it... but that won't happen... so I don't know... he eventually said 'soon'. I said, "August?" and he said... "Yeah.... " then a pause... and "of 2008... HAH!" Sorry babe, not so funny! He was kidding... but I want to be serious here. Neither of us want to get married in a traditional church type of setting, we've always wanted it outdoors, so if he doesn't ask me soon we can't do that and that will wreck it for both of us. And also, maybe it doesn't matter to him, but as it is I can't wear the dress I would have hoped to but the more time that passes, the bigger I'll get and I really want to look as nice and as I can that day, not huge and pregnant & uncomfortable. So I really hope he understands that & tries to get this going... Even if he does ask now it'll probably have to be like late September or October and that's not too nice weather as it is... And even then... what the hell have I and my mother and everyone been thinking about having this planned in that short of a time???!! I don't even want to think about it. Can't someone just do it all for me?!? :-( I will sure be delegating the work.. especially to *those* people who seem to think it'll be sooo easy just to do ... right MOM!?!?????!
We're having a get-together on Saturday night... one of my friend's for dinner, and maybe one more, and then a bunch (we'll see) for games and/or a fire or whatever later. Should be fun.
Gotta run... have a good weekend.
�
�
