05:48 - Monday, Jun. 11, 2007
Sick & Tired Of Being Sick & Tired!
For those of you who were wondering/concerned because of my last entries, please do not worry - I am seeing a doctor & a counsellor abut all of this. I think I am going to request a referral though to an actual psychiatrist to dig a little deeper to get rid of all this once and for all and not just a temporary fix.
It just seems strange to me that the depression/anxiety just seems to get worse instead of better with seeing people professionally and with meds, but I guess it does take time with meds to kick in and it does say that sometimes you will feel worse first before they start working they way they should (not in those words of course, but I don't have them right here to quote...) And with all of this moving stuff I have not yet had time to process all that I need to to get better like the counsellor advised and I guess it's just building more. I hope that once we move I wil have time to relax and take it all in and sort it all out so that I can be normal again and happily skip off to work and live happy life again, and ever after.
Some days are better and some worse than others, but the past few have been really hard. Friday night & Saturday both I hardly slept at all (which isn't new these last days/weeks, but this was even worse) and then when I did sleep a little I would wake up just drenched in sweat and so freaked out by nightmares. Anxiety then sets in and I cry, and then go throw up. Fun.
Yesterday I just had a really shitty, stressful, down day yesterday. All day I was just having a total melt-down (which again, isn't new obviously with the way things have been, but like I say, some worse than others.) I went to bed early so tired, and just cried for quite awhile... don't even know what triggered that or what's wrong with me anymore but just felt so sad and overwhelmed and couldn't stop... Thought that would put me right to sleep, but I laid there all night, not a wink of sleep. Finally got out of bed about 4:30 to quit bugging Hank with my tossing to try to think of something else, read and send an email or two, but still not sure if I will get any rest or sleep today, which sucks, 'cause then I have no energy to work hard on the stuff that needs to be done here.
AND - the best part - Hank had to take the toilet out to put in the sub-floor in the bathroom. When putting it back in found that the gasket wasn't right or the screws, I don't know what the problem was, but couldn't get it in and all the stores were closed. So we've had no toilet since last night and won't until he gets home from work (which I hope he'll leave early, maybe even lunch time if he can). I really have to poo and I am not about to knock on the neighbour's door for that, especially at this time in the morning!!!
And how was your weekend?!? Hope we all have a better week than mine has started!
And to all of you that have a diary, here or somewere else that I normally read almost daily and comment often too, I have a LOT of catching up to do, I haven't read in weeks being this way and so busy with everything going on. Please don't feel I am ignoring you or am not reading anymore, I will be back, I promise ;)
Love & Hugs to all of you who have sent your sweet & thoughtful comments, it's been nice to hear them all & know you all care. Thank you.
Probably won't have a chance to write again soon, but don't forget me, I'll be back.
