08:19 - Tuesday, May. 22, 2007
Some Very, Very Sad News
Well I wanted to write so much about this weekend and all the good things... but I'll have to do that another time...
I went to work for 7am this morning. Felt good & rested, slept through the thunderstorm that seemed to keep everyone else I have spoken to awake. Got in and only minutes later my message light was blinking. Usually that is work related, I never get personal calls there, unless it is an emergency. I knew when it was my Mom it had to be one. She was calling from my Uncle's in Camrose.
I called back and got the horrible news...
Mama passed away last night/early this morning. Massive heart attack.
I practically screamed. Broke down. My boss tld me to go, no problem. Called Hank, he picked me up & took me home. I am here now... alone. I am a mess, I don't know what to do with myself. I can't believe this. Total shock. She wasn't sick... as far as I knew... I so thought she would be around for so so long... to see Hank & I get married, she loved him so much... to be a great-gramnda to our babies... Shit, she was talking to Mom just Saturday about coming out here in only 4 weeks... four fucking weeks from now she'd be here... and now I'll never get to hug her again... now she'll never be able to come to my home.
And just think about a couple entries ago... and our last converations... God, that kills me. At least we did talk after and said our I love yous and made it better, but God... why do things have to end this way... I am so not ready or prepared for this...
I have to check flights & see how/if I can get there.
I feel so fucking awful right now... I am sitting here sobbing...
I love you Mama... I am sorry about our little incident last week... I love you so much and will always miss you... Good-bye Mama.
I just don't have words right now... I feel like throwing up...
Not fair.
