09:43 - Friday, Sept. 01, 2006
I Miss My Baby
Airplanes are keeping me up at night... or at least helping keep me up at night, seeing as I can't sleep well these days to start with... is this what comes with turning 30, or am I just stressing out & have too much on my mind? Anyway, I haven't noticed them at all before, in the 4.5 years I have lived in this house, but lately there are tonnes of planes going over our house & it is damn loud! HW thinks that maybe with the renovation at the airport the planes might be re-routed, the runways might be different etc. But he agrees there are more than ever and louder too (maybe lower) and so does my sister-in-law who lives down the street. She has noticed them too. I hope this is only temporary.
So we had tonnes of traffic at the house yesterday. I think there must have been like 8 or 9 appointments total. Hopefully it's just as busy today & over the weekend... let's hope for a big bidding war!
I really miss my baby though. We've been so damn busy with this house shit & everything else, we have been neglecting spending quality time together. Well I have been missing him & needing some US time so I mentioned it last night. Well, I'll back up & tell you that on Tuesday I we were done our shit for the night & went to bed early. It was like 9:15 and I thought we would have some time just me & him for a couple hours before sleep to just hang out, maybe watch some tv and have some love too... I told him I missed him & he told me "I love you too"... I don't think he gets it... I miss him when I don't get US time, I miss him when I don't get the attention from him I need. I love him & I want him and all this time busy working & around other people has made my ache for him more... So anyway, he was passed out snoring by like 9:30. Yay. I was really pleased... not.
All week I've been telling him I miss him etc. but I guess it just doesn't register.
So anyway, last night I asked him if we could take a night off from everyone & everything & have a nice quiet night together... cuddle time, and a movie. I sent this through an email text to his phone while I was at work. He messaged back a list of things he planned to do that evening. I told him it could wait & we needed this time... all this stresss was not good for our relationship & sometimes we just have to stop & make some time up together. He didn't get it.
SO he got home & I was totally quiet... only talking if he spoke to me, just answering yes or no, or whatever I could to keep it short... or I knew I would cry. He knew then I was hurting & he asked me what was wrong... typical woman I just replied, "You know what is wrong." He stayed in with me a bit but was back & forth & in and out & on the phone & I just felt worse & worse. I shouldn't have to beg for this time when I need it. He should WANT to spend this time with me. He should WANT to make me happy & WANT it just the same for him and for US. So then he says at 8:00 we can watch a movie. He's puttering around and what-not and then at 7:55 or so all the appointments were done at the other house so he said he was going over there to take some boards out of the rafters in the basement or something and then he'd be back in 15 and we'd watch it. Well, at 8:35 I called him... he's still over there. He says just another 15 or so. I start to cry.
He comes home about 10 to 9 and I said we might as well forget the movie, he's just going to fall asleep on me anyway. "No, honey, I'm sorry, I know I've been neglecting you, let's watch a movie together, I won't fall asleep... blah, blah blah." So after we go for a smoke and get all set up we start the movie probably 9:15. It's not even 10 and I can hear his breathing is different, I can't see his eyes
'cause he's cuddled up behind me. I get up & look & he was sleeping... how long, who knows. I shut off the movie and said "Might as well go to bed." and I went. I was so upset. All I wanted was one fucking night. And I told him that... he said he was sorry... but he didn't even try. A little effort would have been nice... We got into bed and I thought he might try to make it up to me... but he was sleeping very soon after. I cried myself to sleep.
I miss him & I hate when it gets like this.
To tell you the truth, I can't even remember the last time we had sex... it's been so long, I don't know... maybe 2 weeks... maybe more... I can't fucking wait till this house shit is done & everything is overwith so we can have normal lives again & my heart doesn't hurt for him anymore.
Don't get me wrong, usually HW is very attentive & sweet & we do spend all the time together, but sometimes I just need a little extra alone time... just to feel him close to me... it's hard to explain... and it's not just abot sex, trust me. I just miss my baby... am I crazy, or does anyone understand???
